God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.  Amen.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:  

 *I started out with nothing, I still have most of it

 *My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran

. *I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

 *Funny, I don't remember being absent minded

 *All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

 *If all is not lost, where is it?

 *It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

 *Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

 *I wish the buck stopped here. I sure could use a few ...

 *It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

 *Only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

 *If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

 *When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play  chess?

 *It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

 *The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.