You Know You're Getting Old When...

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and
discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop, and
you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out, but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your passport photo.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on holiday and your energy runs out before your
money does.
10. When you say something to your children that your mother said to
you and which you always hated.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of
your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make
sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The chemist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun
on your bifocals
21. It takes twice as long to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on
your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You seem to have more patience, but it's actually that you just
don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts
falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't
remember ever being on top of it.