To Exercise Or Not To Exercise

 1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you
 add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to
 spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per
 month.

 2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60.
 She is now 97 and we don't know where the hell she is.

 3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could
 hear heavy breathing again.

 4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't
 lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

 5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain
 figures out what I am doing.

 6. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he
 would have put them further up our body.

 7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people
 who annoy me.

 8. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

 9. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die
 healthier.

 10. If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with a
 small country.

 11. And last, but not least, I don't jog - it makes the ice jump
 right out of my glass.