"Excuse me, Sir"
God: (Sigh) "Is that you again, Moses ?"
"I'm afraid it is, Sir"
"What is it this time, more computer problems ?"
"How did you guess ?"
"I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember ?"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot"
"Tell me what you want, Moses"
"But you already know, remember ?"
"Well, go ahead, Moses, spit it out !"
"I've got a question, Sir. You know those ten thingys you sent me
"You mean the Commandments, Moses ?"
"Yeah, that's it. Well I was wondering if they were important"
"What do you mean 'were important' Moses ? Of course they are important,
otherwise I would'nt have sent them to you"
"Well, sorry, but I, er, I lost them. Now I could say that the dog
ate them but you'd see right through that"
"What do you mean 'you lost them' ! Are you trying to tell me that
you did'nt save them, Moses ?"
" 'Fraid so, Sir, I forgot"
"Well, My Son always saves, Moses"
"Yeah, yeah, I know, you're always telling me that. Look, I was going
to but I just forgot. Mind you, I did send them to some people before
I lost them"
"And did you hear back from any of them ?"
"You already know I did"
"Yes, and what about the guy who says he never uses 'shalt not' ?
"Can he change the words a little bit ?"
"Yes, I suppose so, Moses, just as long as he does'nt change the
"OK and what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh
and recommended either calling them the Ten Suggestions or letting people
pick one or two to try for a while ?"
"I'll pretend I did'nt hear that !"
"I'll take that as a 'no'. OK then, what about the guy who said I
was scamming him ?"
"I think you'll find, that's spamming, Moses"
"Oh yeah, that's it. I emailed him back and told him that not only
do I not eat that stuff but it beats me how you could send it through
"And what did he say ?"
"You know what he said. He used your name in vain. You don't suppose
he might have sent me one of those plagues and that's the reason I lost
the ten thingys, do you ?"
"They're called viruses, Moses"
"Viruses, schmiruses, whatever ! This computer stuff is too much
for me. Why can't we just go back to the old stone tablets ? I know it
was hard on my back, taking them out every day to read them but I never
lost them !"
"We'll do it the new way, Moses"
(Sigh) "I was afraid you would say that, Sir"
"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up ?"
"You told me to hold out this rat and stretch it towards the computer"
"It's a mouse, Moses, for My Sake, it's a mouse, a mouse ! And did
you do that ?"
"No, I decided to try the technical support first After all, who
knows more about this stuff than you do and I like your hours. By the
way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the Ark ?"
"One other thing, why did'nt you name them frogs instead of mice,
because I remember you telling me they sat on a pad"
"I did'nt name them, Moses. Man did. You can call yours a beatnik
for all I care"
"Ah, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, Sir ? I bet some woman
told him to call it a mouse. After all was'nt it a woman who named one
of the computers Apple ?"
"Say 'goodnight' Moses"
"Whoa, wait a minute, Sir. I am stretching out the mouse and it seems
to be working. Yes, a couple of the thingys have come back"
"Which ones are they, Moses ?"
"OK let's see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and
'Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbour's wife' "
"Shut the computer down, Moses, I'll send another set of stone tablets"