UPON a time, many years ago, I seriously considered standing for
an arrogant, lazy and corrupt local councillor - a bloke
who, amongst other
things, refused to vote against the party line when an
illegal gypsy camp opened
up on the primary school playing field.
put me off in the end was the sheer logistics involved. As an
bereft of the support of a party machine, I'd have
had to do everything myself.
I'd have had to pay for the leaflets and
posters myself, do all the dreadful
door-stepping myself, write my own
supportive letters in false names to the
local press and spread my own,
libelous, internet smears against rivals. It
was just too much to take on.
the event, the sitting candidate was returned because no-one in that part
town could bring themselves to vote for the Tories while the Liberal
was caught in a compromising position with another gentleman on
the local park
four days before the vote.
come the next election, whether that be in October or June, the
trough-snouting of the current incumbents is certain to inspire
a wave of white-suited,
shining knights in honest armour, eager to turn back
the tide of sleaze that
has engulfed the present system. But they will all
face the same problems I
did, only more so in a General Election scenario.
wait, I have an answer - the Tesco Party. Yes, the Tesco Party.
about it. If the retail giant was to offer every potential Independent
the services of its nationwide network, suddenly taking on the big
be a distinct possibility. You'd have a least one established
base in every
constituency, a place to hold meetings and Saturday morning
have access to advertising expertise, top class designers
and the economies
of scale offered by volume printing.
have Tesco's massive email database to work with and you'd know the
of every potential voter: "Do you have a Clubcard? Ah, yes, Mr
You like Findus Crispy Pancakes, are partial to a can or two of
and you want to send the darkies back where they came from."
so blindingly obvious - and such a massive contribution to the
- that I'm amazed no-one's thought of it before. I may
write to Sir Terry Leahy
in the morning. After all, every little helps. Or
is that Asda?
WAS highly amused that UKIP has demanded a re-run of the European
because of the way the ballot paper was folded. Apparently,
because it is one
of the last parties in alphabetical order, its name fell
below the crease of
the folded ballot paper.
Farage, the phony who claims to be actively campaigning against our
of the EU while pocketing around £2million in salary and
the way the paper was folded made it look as if UKIP was not
on the ballot
paper at all.
make two points. Wouldn't the idiot be better waiting for the result
demanding a re-run of an election in which his party allegedly stands
chance of beating Labour into fourth place? And secondly, are we
that people who can't manage to unfold a piece of paper should
have the vote
in the first place?
with kind permission of Barry Beelzebub...for full column visit Bazza's